Nobody likes to feel they’ve been lied to, especially by a partner.
But there are ways you can tell if your loved one is bluffing, according to psychologist Dr Carmen Harra, American author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes.
She has revealed exclusively to FEMAIL the seven tell-tale signs that your significant other is telling you falsehoods – from calling you ‘crazy’ to an ‘impenetrable phone’.
‘It’s human nature to try to take the easy way out, so a lie is oftentimes simply easier to tell than the truth; it makes us feel less liable for our actions and prevents possible repercussions.
‘As a psychologist and intuitive counsellor for 28 years, I’ve heard of some pretty tall tales through my clients’ anecdotes. I’ve also learned several sure-fire ways to spot a liar, sometimes before they even open their mouth.
‘If your love interest displays these telltale signs of lying, it would be in your best interest to reevaluate the relationship and walk away with your dignity and sanity still intact,’ said the psychologist.
Here, she reveals the signals that you are dating a bluffer…
There are ways you can tell if your loved one is bluffing, according to psychologist Dr Carmen Harra, American author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes (stock photo)
THEY HAVE A HISTORY OF LYING
‘A liar didn’t start by lying to you; they’ve likely been dishonest for many years, to many people, in many ways,’ insisted Dr. Carmen.
‘Liars can be pathological, which means that they tell untruths habitually and compulsively, rather than little white lies once in a while.
‘Be careful of giving notorious liars a chance—those who are known around the neighbourhood to be unfaithful or unfair in their relationships.
‘You may not want to believe your mother when she says, “once a liar always a liar,” but there’s scientific proof behind this phrase: as we continue exercising lies, they become easier to fabricate.
THEIR PHONE IS IMPENETRABLE
The expert said: ‘If breaking into the Louvre seems more feasible than accessing their phone, chances are there are certain items on their device they don’t want you to see.
‘An honest person is not afraid of being caught because they have nothing to hide. Even if the person you’re dating has a password on their phone, they should be willing to show you what’s in it if you ask (and vice versa).
‘We all keep sensitive data in our phones, but if our intentions are genuine we should be able to share them with our partner.’
‘That’s because we experience more mental arousal when we lie than when we tell the truth. But with each additional lie, that mental activity diminishes and lessens the emotional conflict of telling a lie.
‘So the more one lies, the easier it becomes, which is why some skilled liars can create an entire fable without ever batting an eyelash.
THEY TURN THE TABLES ON YOU
‘The moment you open your mouth to present your partner with the truth, a liar will go out of their way to turn the tables on you’, said the psychologist.
‘They might bring up your mistakes in a former relationship or that one time you were wrong for accusing them, but they’ll make sure that the blame boomerangs on you.
‘This is a classic defence mechanism and the perfect way to derail your next argument: if your partner succeeds in diminishing your conviction and making you second guess yourself, you might start to think they were telling the truth after all, right?
‘Their goal is to the shift the focus away from them and externalise their guilt. This tactic is called gas-lighting and its occurrence in relationships is more frequent than we think. Many liars also develop sociopathic tendencies, the most common of which is gaslighting.’
THEY SCREAM AT YOU AND CALL YOU ‘CRAZY’
‘This is a liar’s last resort and usually their trump card’, said the expert. They will purposely and methodically blow things out of proportion when you try to ask them a question relating to the matter their lying about.
‘They may scream at you and call you “crazy”, threaten that the relationship is over and you’ll never see them again (they’d be doing you a favour), or storm out of the house in a fit of pretend rage.
She has revealed exclusively to FEMAIL the seven tell-tale signs that your significant other is telling you falsehoods – from calling you ‘crazy’ to an ‘impenetrable phone’ (stock photo)
‘Your partner has no intention to go through with any of these things, of course, and they’ll usually apologise later on in a distorted way by saying you drove them to the breaking point.
‘This insidious behaviour is an extension of gas-lighting and is done to make you question your own sense of reality. The liar hopes to deter you from future inquiries by intimidating you, instilling in you the fear of losing them or being the reason the relationship ended.
‘This can also hold true if you criticise a liar, as many have inferiority complexes and can’t stand scrutiny or their flaws examined. A person who cannot be asked to clarify a situation without going off the walls is indeed lying.’
THEIR EXCUSES ALL SOUND THE SAME
Dr. Carmen explained: ‘At some point, a liar will run out of excuses (even ludicrous ones).
‘So if they didn’t spend the night at home, a liar might say that they “knocked out on their friend’s couch” on more than one occasion.
‘A liar banks on the simple rule that if it worked to convince you once, it will work again. Recurring stories are most likely excuses, not truths.’
THEIR STORIES DON’T ADD UP
‘Common sense is common sense; no amount of “I swear I didn’t” can override bona fide evidence,’ insisted Dr Carmen.
‘Even seasoned liars mix up their stories sometimes: the first time you asked, they were out with their friends but the second time you asked, they were working late at the office.
‘When their stories lack critical details or they quickly try to change the subject, they may be lying. On the other hand, if their stories are saturated with details they may also be lying.
‘Some liars prepare an entire narrative, down to the last trivial element, before they step through the doorway. Stories that begin with, “you’ll never guess what happened to me” may not be entirely truthful.
‘The next time your partner tries to sell you a half-baked fib, smile and say, “Well that’s weird, because I found/saw/heard/read…” and hit them with the hard facts.’
YOUR INTUITION IS NAGGING YOU
‘People have learned how to lie but your intuition hasn’t. Your intuition is much more than a “gut feeling”, it’s your ultimate source of truth,’ insisted the expert.
‘You must learn to trust it above all other influences. If you intuitively feel that something is off, know that it is. And if you learn to follow your intuition, it will lead you directly to the truth.
‘The key is to calm your feelings of fear and put aside past traumas to introspect with a clear mind and a courageous heart. Take a deep, centring breath and ask yourself: What do I intuitively feel is wrong? Where does the truth end and the lie begin?
‘Once you allow yourself to be guided by instinct without old emotions or insecurities creeping in, you’ll be shown reality for your own good.’